AUTHOR'S NOTE + SYNOPSIS
AUTHOR'S NOTE + SYNOPSIS
AS IF I NEVER WAS AT ALL
After his death, Cinque exposes his humanity as he concedes the regrets of his unfulfilled dreams
I was born black and blue
On the rundown side of town
A running angry child runnin’ wild
Through idle days and hungry nights
The oldest of eight or nine
Held tight by my daddy’s belt
My mama’s dreams dyin’ on the vine
The week before I ran away
The circus came to town
I belly-crawled under canvas folds
Into a three ring spectacle
Of daredevils and clowns
And above it all
Was a spinning spangled girl
Hanging by her teeth without a net
The thrilling risk to grip or slip
To a certain death
In three days time
The carnival was past and gone
With only trampled weeds
Left where it stood
Past and gone
As if it never was at all
Stealing down the road
To anywhere away
My resentments gathered in a plan
To take revenge to shake the world
To kick it back to make it beg
Not every man’s ambition
Can be crowned
There will be mountains left unmoved
Horizons lost and never found
Edens never planted
What happens to me now
Now that my tent is folded
My last wagon loaded
And rolled away
What happens to me now
My last show picks up
And closes down
Past and gone
As if it never was at all
No more the gasping of the crowds
No more little folks and giants
No more the smell of nearby victory
No more the fouled straw of caged lions
This cold world’s graves are overflowing
With a hundred thousand million
Unwritten books and unsung songs
Unstaged plays and unrighted wrongs
So bury my dreams with my bones
As if I never dreamed at all
Let the strained calliope
That plays for other men, not I
Mock and pass me by
As if I never was at all
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